I'm a little late on my midweek blog, but not for lack of trying. See, I sat with the blog window open for about 45 minutes last night, and just couldn't decide what to write about. This has definitely been a better week for me. I've been challenging myself more, feeling sore again, and feeling some great success. I've come to regard soreness as a badge of honor, my little pat on the back saying "yep! You worked hard on that one." Things like having jello legs and feeling a bit shaky with exhaustion are strangely satisfying. I am working hard, and it's starting to show.
This week, I've focused on pushing my limits. Last week wasn't as intense as I could have made it, and I needed to step up my game this week. Results change when you start internal arguments between the "oh, I can't do that" and the "oh, you're going to do that, and you're going to do it hard" parts of your brain. I struggle greatly with the "I can't do that" part of my brain when it comes to things outside my comfort zone. I realized in my leg workout on Tuesday that even the body doesn't like to be moved outside it's comfort zone. Like I said, I've been pushing myself this week, and my body isn't used to not getting it's way. It's been spoiled for far too long by sitting, laziness and not-so-great food choices. Just like a bratty child, it's taken a lot of retraining to overcome some of the perceived obstacles-soreness, for example. Weakness for another. In pushing myself, that includes pushing my thinking into a different pattern as well, and finding what works to silence the "I can't" of the moment. Some times, it's focusing on a spot on the floor and half-listening to the count. Some times it's finding a rhythm and sticking with it for the duration of what we're doing. Some times, it's gritting my teeth and telling myself "NO! I am going to finish this!"
After my workout tonight, where I very proudly used harder resistance bands for a good portion of my exercises, I was reflecting on this week, when the song "You are Loved" by Josh Groban came on the radio. As I listened, the line "Don't give up. It's just the weight of the world," played for the second time, and it really hit me what I have done for myself. How many times have I stood up under the weight of the world, pushed beyond what I thought for sure was the worst of the worst, and realized, this isn't so bad? How many times have I done what was hard, what was right, what was necessary? How many of those times were so much worse than jumping up a color band or punching the bag as hard as I possibly could? So many times I've been down, broken, exhausted, didn't know how I was going to pull myself through another day of hell. But I did it.
I had a discussion with a good friend about times that make you want to live rather than just exist. Something awakens the passion within you that for whatever reason has dwindled. Thinking about these moments, they are always painful, facing unhappiness, reevaluating your circumstances, contemplating how you've defined yourself, wondering if you're ever going to be happy again. Even in the uncertainty and the pain, there's a glimmer of that passion rekindling itself. It's these moments that define who you are, define what kind of life you're going to lead. It's the moments that you think you can't possibly take one more step, and yet your feet take 3 more. You think you can't take one more bout of bad news, get that phone call, and collapse in laughter because what else can you do? As my bands coach says, "it's the reps that hurt that matter most. Pushing through the pain is how you get strong."
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Starting Week 4 Already
I can hardly believe I'm on week 4 of my UBC already! Next week is mid-evals. I'm excited to see how my numbers have changed. I'm starting to notice changes in my body and how my clothes are looking. That's such a great motivator!
Week 3 was not a great week for me. Dinner out with the girls, my brother's birthday, my aunt's birthday. So much good food! Then, my kids were both sick, which did a number on my workout plan. It was kind of a wash week for me. It was a bit disheartening, because I felt like I was doing so well and lost some momentum. I certainly haven't lost motivation, which is great! I just feel like I took a step back this week.
I've also felt like I've been falling behind in a lot of what I'm doing, like homework and keeping up with my kids' stuff for school. I'm busier than I'm used to, and I think that is part of the problem. My focus this week is getting myself organized again and get into a better groove with everything I have to do. That's an interesting goal, considering I'm thinking of adding another workout to my schedule, at least for this week!
Of course, no blog would be complete this week without mentioning the blessed birth of my nephew Jasper. He is so adorable! One more blessing to count, and another slice of joy in my life!
Week 3 was not a great week for me. Dinner out with the girls, my brother's birthday, my aunt's birthday. So much good food! Then, my kids were both sick, which did a number on my workout plan. It was kind of a wash week for me. It was a bit disheartening, because I felt like I was doing so well and lost some momentum. I certainly haven't lost motivation, which is great! I just feel like I took a step back this week.
I've also felt like I've been falling behind in a lot of what I'm doing, like homework and keeping up with my kids' stuff for school. I'm busier than I'm used to, and I think that is part of the problem. My focus this week is getting myself organized again and get into a better groove with everything I have to do. That's an interesting goal, considering I'm thinking of adding another workout to my schedule, at least for this week!
Of course, no blog would be complete this week without mentioning the blessed birth of my nephew Jasper. He is so adorable! One more blessing to count, and another slice of joy in my life!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday of Week 3
Halfway through week 3 already! Where does the time go? This is clipping by way too quickly for me. I feel like I just started, and I'm almost halfway through already. I'm still working hard, and starting to see some fruits of my labor. For instance, who knew I had biceps! That's really fabulous when I'm reaching for something and see a nice lump in my arm! And, "girl push ups" are getting easier! I wouldn't say I'm quite ready for "real" ones just yet, but I will be soon! I'm starting to enjoy being sore too; not the can't move sore, but the "I've worked really hard" sore. I can feel my body making changes too, like not being tired if I haven't moved enough during the day. Today is not one of those days! I pushed hard at yesterday's kickboxing, definitely the hardest I've gone in a class to date (I've got the wound to prove it!), and then got up at 5:30 am to get my resistance band workout in! WHEW!
I am a bit more reflective today than normal. My nephew has started making his way into the world (translation, his mommy's in labor). For me, this has been an upheaval year; one of those years that the ground I was standing on broke apart, and I have to refind my footing. I don't think there's a part of my life that hasn't been thoroughly shaken to the core. More than once, I felt like my world was completely breaking apart. I've questioned everything I've ever known, everything I've ever believed in, everything I always trusted to be a part of me. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I can't plan everything, nor can I have a plan for every possible situation. But I don't have to have an immediate solution for every single situation or problem in my life. Some times, it's just ok to breathe and let it be with the faith that the answers will come in time. Lately, my mantra has become "I don't have to know right now." There's a lot of freedom and peace in that. It calms sleepless nights and wild thoughts.
So, as I'm waiting for that wonderful call to let me know that I can come hold my new nephew, all the trials of these past months become background thoughts for a while. In the moment I hold that little boy, I'll be looking dead square in the face of possibility. As the quote goes, "every baby is proof that God has not given up on man." That includes me.
I am a bit more reflective today than normal. My nephew has started making his way into the world (translation, his mommy's in labor). For me, this has been an upheaval year; one of those years that the ground I was standing on broke apart, and I have to refind my footing. I don't think there's a part of my life that hasn't been thoroughly shaken to the core. More than once, I felt like my world was completely breaking apart. I've questioned everything I've ever known, everything I've ever believed in, everything I always trusted to be a part of me. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I can't plan everything, nor can I have a plan for every possible situation. But I don't have to have an immediate solution for every single situation or problem in my life. Some times, it's just ok to breathe and let it be with the faith that the answers will come in time. Lately, my mantra has become "I don't have to know right now." There's a lot of freedom and peace in that. It calms sleepless nights and wild thoughts.
So, as I'm waiting for that wonderful call to let me know that I can come hold my new nephew, all the trials of these past months become background thoughts for a while. In the moment I hold that little boy, I'll be looking dead square in the face of possibility. As the quote goes, "every baby is proof that God has not given up on man." That includes me.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Week 2 Wrap Up
Another UBC week comes to an end. I have to admit that this week was a lot easier than last week! I didn't appreciate moving after workouts until waddling for 3 days after my first butt burner! Luckily, my muscles assimilated to the increased work load. While I am still sore, I can still move and don't feel like I'm going to collapse when I walk. We also had our recipe night for UBC Friday night, and that was so much fun! We had a small turnout, but got to taste some really great food and had tons of fun with the relay (well, I did anyway)! It was really nice to get to know some of my teammates better.
I'm feeling like I'm finally "getting it" in my workouts. First starting, I had so much to remember, the form, filling out the book, eating, fatiguing muscles. The second half of this week, it all started to click. I still have some form things I'm working on for kickboxing, but I feel like the xertube resistance is going really well. I can focus on working the muscles, rather than wondering if I'm doing things right. Eating has been getting easier also. I kept it really simple this week, the same five or six meals/snacks in various combinations. I ate about 2 pounds of celery by myself in two weeks. I must admit that I'm ready for a little more variety in the coming weeks!
The highlight of my week occurred yesterday in kickboxing. The class was definitely stepped up from last weeks' classes, higher intensity, more intricate combos, so I pushed myself in this class. We ended with jumping roundhouse kicks (I think. I'm not totally down with what I'm doing yet!). I was sharing a bag with a gal who was taller than me (shocking, I know!), so I suggested we put the bag up some for her. She gratefully agreed, except she put it up a bit higher than I expected. And, it turned out to be really great for me, because I had to jump higher to make sure I didn't kick the base of the bag. I got an even better workout, and really pumped up my workout to a level I wasn't expecting. I was pretty darn proud of myself!
This week, my biggest goal is making it to the Tuesday 6 am resistance bands class. I can't make it in the evening, and I could work out with my bands at home, but I'd rather do it there. It's a mental thing for me! So far, the plan is to sleep in my workout clothes, roll out of bed at 5:30, eat a protein bar, and head to class. I do not plan on making it a habit, but maybe I'll like it! Physically, my goals are to continue working as hard as I possibly can. I have definitely had mornings where I just didn't feel like going, but once I'm there, it's game on. I immediately get into the mind set, and just go for it. I'm really starting to understand how much of "I can't" is purely mental. It's been making me wonder what I've missed out on because I limited myself. The best part about realizing that is the fact that I can change that. Now. It's definitely been giving me new perspectives in my day-to-day life. The benefits of this challenge have already extended so far beyond the physical. I'm starting to wonder not only what I will look like, but also who I will be after these 10 weeks. It's quite a journey, and I'm so glad I signed myself up for this!
I'm feeling like I'm finally "getting it" in my workouts. First starting, I had so much to remember, the form, filling out the book, eating, fatiguing muscles. The second half of this week, it all started to click. I still have some form things I'm working on for kickboxing, but I feel like the xertube resistance is going really well. I can focus on working the muscles, rather than wondering if I'm doing things right. Eating has been getting easier also. I kept it really simple this week, the same five or six meals/snacks in various combinations. I ate about 2 pounds of celery by myself in two weeks. I must admit that I'm ready for a little more variety in the coming weeks!
The highlight of my week occurred yesterday in kickboxing. The class was definitely stepped up from last weeks' classes, higher intensity, more intricate combos, so I pushed myself in this class. We ended with jumping roundhouse kicks (I think. I'm not totally down with what I'm doing yet!). I was sharing a bag with a gal who was taller than me (shocking, I know!), so I suggested we put the bag up some for her. She gratefully agreed, except she put it up a bit higher than I expected. And, it turned out to be really great for me, because I had to jump higher to make sure I didn't kick the base of the bag. I got an even better workout, and really pumped up my workout to a level I wasn't expecting. I was pretty darn proud of myself!
This week, my biggest goal is making it to the Tuesday 6 am resistance bands class. I can't make it in the evening, and I could work out with my bands at home, but I'd rather do it there. It's a mental thing for me! So far, the plan is to sleep in my workout clothes, roll out of bed at 5:30, eat a protein bar, and head to class. I do not plan on making it a habit, but maybe I'll like it! Physically, my goals are to continue working as hard as I possibly can. I have definitely had mornings where I just didn't feel like going, but once I'm there, it's game on. I immediately get into the mind set, and just go for it. I'm really starting to understand how much of "I can't" is purely mental. It's been making me wonder what I've missed out on because I limited myself. The best part about realizing that is the fact that I can change that. Now. It's definitely been giving me new perspectives in my day-to-day life. The benefits of this challenge have already extended so far beyond the physical. I'm starting to wonder not only what I will look like, but also who I will be after these 10 weeks. It's quite a journey, and I'm so glad I signed myself up for this!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
In the Routine
Well, here I am, half way through week 2 already. It's been a wild and woolly week for me already. Monday was the first day I did an "on your own" workout, since I couldn't make it in for kickboxing at the gym. I did an hour long kickboxing video in my living room. It was the hard one I've tried before, but never really got all the way through. That all changed yesterday. I actually got through the video without feeling like I was going to collapse. Don't get me wrong. I was tired, and I worked hard. I encountered a very interesting thought when I was reflecting on it over lunch. Did I finish the workout because I am more physically fit, or did I finish it because I did not allow myself to quit when I was tired? The answer is a bit of both, but more towards the not quitting side.
I also take encouragement in the fact that as sore as I was last week, it seems to have abated some. I am still sore, and some times stiff, but I can still move. Although, today was butt blaster, so maybe tomorrow I'll be singing a different tune! It's fascinating how different muscles are sore this week! Last week, it was my abdominals, my butt, and my pecs. This week, it's my hamstrings and my shoulders. Being the odd duck I am, I kinda like feeling sore. It makes me feel less lazy.
Food this week has been less of a challenge. I've gotten into a really great groove with snacks and meals. I think I'm getting used to eating 6 times a day. I notice that I'll start to feel hungry, check the clock, and it'll be time to eat again. I also solved my constant hunger problem! I upped my protein intake, and that helped very much.
So far, I have nothing more profound to elaborate upon for the week. No epiphanies, no "why didn't I think of that" moments. Just a resolve to continue doing the best I absolutely can. That's all anyone can ask in any situation.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Week 1 Complete!
As of today, I have completed one week of my body challenge. I am sore, tired, exhilarated, and pleased with myself. It's been far more fun than I had ever imagined exercising could be. Plus, it's been great getting to know my fellow teammates, joining in the camaraderie of aching muscles.
Interestingly, I didn't find it difficult to go to workouts. Even the cold, snowy, Saturday morning work out didn't phase me (ok, well, not too much anyway). It feels good to know I'm doing something really great for myself. I was so pleasantly rewarded this morning when we did our push ups in class, and the first 6 were really easy! One week ago, I would have struggled through 5, and said "No more". It really blew me away that I could do 16+ push ups in only a week, and truly, what better motivation? If I've already seen this improvement in a week, what am I going to be able to do at 5 weeks? What about when I'm done at 10 weeks?
I did find I struggled with something else this week. I was hungry. All. The. Time. I am eating 6 times a day, so how in the world could I be so hungry all the time? I talked it over with my coaches today after my workout, and got some pointers. They recommended paying closer attention to my protein intake, because that will help me feel full longer. So, that has become my main goal this week; pay attention to protein in meals and make sure I'm getting enough.
One thing that really stood out to me this week is the quote in my book that stated "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail." I glossed over it the first couple times I read that, but later in the week, it really hit me that this was so true. My mom invited me out to dinner, and I was faced with figuring out where would be the best place for me to make the best food decisions. We settled on Outback Steakhouse. I promptly went to the online menu and chose what to have for dinner-ahi tuna and a sweet potato without butter. Only water to drink. It didn't even occur to me until later when I read that quote again that I made a plan that was in line with my goals, and succeeded in sticking to it. I realized very clearly the truth in those words.
So, tomorrow, is my off day. I'm looking forward to sleeping in, having my "cheat" meal, and enjoying dinner with family. I am having a BLT for my cheat meal, with lots of mayo and bacon! I am excited to see what week 2 brings my way as well. I had a bit of a shake up for my Monday morning, so I'm going to kickboxing in the evening rather than the morning. We'll see how that goes. It's been a fabulous journey so far, and I'm ready to continue down this path!
Interestingly, I didn't find it difficult to go to workouts. Even the cold, snowy, Saturday morning work out didn't phase me (ok, well, not too much anyway). It feels good to know I'm doing something really great for myself. I was so pleasantly rewarded this morning when we did our push ups in class, and the first 6 were really easy! One week ago, I would have struggled through 5, and said "No more". It really blew me away that I could do 16+ push ups in only a week, and truly, what better motivation? If I've already seen this improvement in a week, what am I going to be able to do at 5 weeks? What about when I'm done at 10 weeks?
I did find I struggled with something else this week. I was hungry. All. The. Time. I am eating 6 times a day, so how in the world could I be so hungry all the time? I talked it over with my coaches today after my workout, and got some pointers. They recommended paying closer attention to my protein intake, because that will help me feel full longer. So, that has become my main goal this week; pay attention to protein in meals and make sure I'm getting enough.
One thing that really stood out to me this week is the quote in my book that stated "if you fail to plan, you plan to fail." I glossed over it the first couple times I read that, but later in the week, it really hit me that this was so true. My mom invited me out to dinner, and I was faced with figuring out where would be the best place for me to make the best food decisions. We settled on Outback Steakhouse. I promptly went to the online menu and chose what to have for dinner-ahi tuna and a sweet potato without butter. Only water to drink. It didn't even occur to me until later when I read that quote again that I made a plan that was in line with my goals, and succeeded in sticking to it. I realized very clearly the truth in those words.
So, tomorrow, is my off day. I'm looking forward to sleeping in, having my "cheat" meal, and enjoying dinner with family. I am having a BLT for my cheat meal, with lots of mayo and bacon! I am excited to see what week 2 brings my way as well. I had a bit of a shake up for my Monday morning, so I'm going to kickboxing in the evening rather than the morning. We'll see how that goes. It's been a fabulous journey so far, and I'm ready to continue down this path!
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Still Kickin', but Maybe Only Until Tomorrow!
As of today, I have two kickboxing classes and one resistance band class under my belt. I have this to say; We are not in Kansas any more Toto!
My coaches have all been saying take it easy the first week or two to get the form down. I have discovered that I either a) think I'm far more capable than I am or b) have no idea what the term "take it easy" means. After Monday's class, I found I was pretty sore almost immediately afterwards, which culminated in a very bad headache by bed time. I also fell asleep at 6, woke up at 8 to kiss my kids good night, and promptly went back to bed at about 10.
Yesterday, I decided I would go to the 7:30 pm resistance class, because I didn't think my body would function at 5 to make it to the 6 am class. I was right! I was lucky I woke up to get the kids on the school bus! After my breakfast, I popped a couple Excedrin back and body, since I still had the headache. That helped immensely to get me through the day! I am going to buy stock in Excedrin! At class, I was able to do most of the exercises with ease with the lowest resistance band, so next time, I'm excited to try more resistance. I felt good knowing I'm not a complete pansy!
That brings us to this morning's class-the infamous Butt Blaster. I heard about it both Monday and Tuesday, so I was a little nervous going into it. It lived up to it's reputation! While performing the exercises wasn't too technically difficult, my booty and legs had enough about halfway through the class. I was tired, sweaty, and shaky when I left the gym today. I just about died climbing the 3 stairs from the landing to the kitchen! As I ate my post workout protein bar, I wondered "exactly how am I going to get in the shower?" It turns out, the shower wasn't the hard part. Taking my jeans off, standing on one leg and then the other darn near put me over the edge!
It's been wild! The most impressive thing to me, above and beyond the soreness, is the intense desire I have to do everything. When I started the challenge, I was a little bit casual in my attitude. I'm not hugely overweight, so I don't have a lot to work with, in terms of pounds lost. I decided "I'm not going to win anything, so I'm just going to do this for me." After the first three days, man, I want to win this thing! I want to finish this 10 weeks and be the top contender! It bothers me that I'm not going as hard in classes right now. It bothers me that I can't do everything, even taking it down a notch. I can't think of a time where my body has rebelled against me, and I didn't say to it "ok, we'll stop then." Not today. I was sick to my stomach, hot, and my muscles were trying not to cooperate. I could feel my wrists and arms wanting to buckle, and some times they did. But I pushed myself back up, every time, thinking "no, we aren't done yet. You will finish this." I expected to obtain that kind of resolve at some point during the 10 weeks, pushing myself beyond what I thought I could do. I never imagined it would happen 3 days in! It renewed my excitement, and these next 10 weeks are going to be the most intense of my life, because I'm more intense than I ever have been.
I was joking in my Sunday post about this being the start of the rest of my life, but now, I don't think that's a wrong statement. This is definitely the start of something that's going to carry over into the rest of my life, and I am finally ready for it.
My coaches have all been saying take it easy the first week or two to get the form down. I have discovered that I either a) think I'm far more capable than I am or b) have no idea what the term "take it easy" means. After Monday's class, I found I was pretty sore almost immediately afterwards, which culminated in a very bad headache by bed time. I also fell asleep at 6, woke up at 8 to kiss my kids good night, and promptly went back to bed at about 10.
Yesterday, I decided I would go to the 7:30 pm resistance class, because I didn't think my body would function at 5 to make it to the 6 am class. I was right! I was lucky I woke up to get the kids on the school bus! After my breakfast, I popped a couple Excedrin back and body, since I still had the headache. That helped immensely to get me through the day! I am going to buy stock in Excedrin! At class, I was able to do most of the exercises with ease with the lowest resistance band, so next time, I'm excited to try more resistance. I felt good knowing I'm not a complete pansy!
That brings us to this morning's class-the infamous Butt Blaster. I heard about it both Monday and Tuesday, so I was a little nervous going into it. It lived up to it's reputation! While performing the exercises wasn't too technically difficult, my booty and legs had enough about halfway through the class. I was tired, sweaty, and shaky when I left the gym today. I just about died climbing the 3 stairs from the landing to the kitchen! As I ate my post workout protein bar, I wondered "exactly how am I going to get in the shower?" It turns out, the shower wasn't the hard part. Taking my jeans off, standing on one leg and then the other darn near put me over the edge!
It's been wild! The most impressive thing to me, above and beyond the soreness, is the intense desire I have to do everything. When I started the challenge, I was a little bit casual in my attitude. I'm not hugely overweight, so I don't have a lot to work with, in terms of pounds lost. I decided "I'm not going to win anything, so I'm just going to do this for me." After the first three days, man, I want to win this thing! I want to finish this 10 weeks and be the top contender! It bothers me that I'm not going as hard in classes right now. It bothers me that I can't do everything, even taking it down a notch. I can't think of a time where my body has rebelled against me, and I didn't say to it "ok, we'll stop then." Not today. I was sick to my stomach, hot, and my muscles were trying not to cooperate. I could feel my wrists and arms wanting to buckle, and some times they did. But I pushed myself back up, every time, thinking "no, we aren't done yet. You will finish this." I expected to obtain that kind of resolve at some point during the 10 weeks, pushing myself beyond what I thought I could do. I never imagined it would happen 3 days in! It renewed my excitement, and these next 10 weeks are going to be the most intense of my life, because I'm more intense than I ever have been.
I was joking in my Sunday post about this being the start of the rest of my life, but now, I don't think that's a wrong statement. This is definitely the start of something that's going to carry over into the rest of my life, and I am finally ready for it.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Holy Bananas, Batman! Hang On to Your Hat!
Today was D-Day. The first day of the rest of my life. Well, the first day of a very challenging 10 weeks anyway. Today was orientation for the Ultimate Bodyshaping Challenge. I was nervous all day leading up to the 6 o'clock meeting. I packed my bag, deciding what I was going to wear for my dreaded "before" picture. I decided on my grey sports bra and a pair of black shorts. I was the first one there, or rather, the first one to go inside and get the ball rolling. Heather, one of the coaches, took 4 pictures-3 before shots, front, side and behind, and one head shot to display on the board in the lobby. I got my book and my hand wraps, and then went for my measurements and weight. I wasn't too upset about the measurements, since I have loosely kept track of them myself. The weigh in, however, was a bit harder to stomach. 127 lbs will be my starting weight, with a body fat percentage of 28.9%. Yep, a far cry from the 123 lbs and 24.7% my home scale stated. So, a mildly discouraging start, but I quickly reminded myself, "that's why I am here".
The rest of the evening was mostly spent talking about what the program entails, which I admit, I didn't do enough homework on to find out what I was really getting myself into. That's probably a good thing, because if I had known before jumping in with both feet, I seriously doubt I would have had the guts to sign up! I will be working out 6 days a week-kickboxing Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and resistance bands Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Say it with me now, "Holy Bananas!" I knew it would be challenging, I mean, it is the Ultimate Bodyshaping Challenge, but 6 days a week? Are you serious?
I was nervous going in tonight; now, I'm downright scared! I walked out to my car after meeting with my team (which is now named "Crush and Destroy". Couldn't we have been "Happy Rainbows?") I was reeling. My mind going a mile a minute "I have to hit up the grocery store tomorrow." "How am I going to make it to 6 a.m. workouts?" "Can I really do this?" I have bitten off far more than I can chew this time; I can definitely tell that. There is also a deeper, inner voice that, though far quieter than the voice booming "what are you thinking?", is prevailing on my nerves. It's the inner voice that is quietly calling out "Wahoo!! Bring it!" I have never done anything like this before; it scares the bejeebers out of me. But I want to do it. I want to prove that I can push myself beyond anything I've pushed against before.
There is a section in my handy workbook that explains the exertion we should be feeling in our classes. In this section, it reads "a great acronym for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real." How very true these words are! I am scared because I don't know what my body can do. I have an idea of what it can do. But what is this idea based on? Only what I have done so far. I have never done any organized exercise, except for sports drills in my early high school years. I have a vision in my mind of what I want to see and what I want my "after" picture to look like. This is what is driving me now, not the fear of whether or not I can do it. I will do it. No is not an option at this point. Right now, I am already requiring more of myself by not giving into this fear. So, tomorrow morning, I will send my kids on the bus to school, and bring myself to my first kickboxing workout. I will get up every morning this week and repeat. I will do more physically than I have done before. I will listen only to the quiet voice telling me I can do this.
And it will be great!
The rest of the evening was mostly spent talking about what the program entails, which I admit, I didn't do enough homework on to find out what I was really getting myself into. That's probably a good thing, because if I had known before jumping in with both feet, I seriously doubt I would have had the guts to sign up! I will be working out 6 days a week-kickboxing Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and resistance bands Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Say it with me now, "Holy Bananas!" I knew it would be challenging, I mean, it is the Ultimate Bodyshaping Challenge, but 6 days a week? Are you serious?
I was nervous going in tonight; now, I'm downright scared! I walked out to my car after meeting with my team (which is now named "Crush and Destroy". Couldn't we have been "Happy Rainbows?") I was reeling. My mind going a mile a minute "I have to hit up the grocery store tomorrow." "How am I going to make it to 6 a.m. workouts?" "Can I really do this?" I have bitten off far more than I can chew this time; I can definitely tell that. There is also a deeper, inner voice that, though far quieter than the voice booming "what are you thinking?", is prevailing on my nerves. It's the inner voice that is quietly calling out "Wahoo!! Bring it!" I have never done anything like this before; it scares the bejeebers out of me. But I want to do it. I want to prove that I can push myself beyond anything I've pushed against before.
There is a section in my handy workbook that explains the exertion we should be feeling in our classes. In this section, it reads "a great acronym for fear is False Evidence Appearing Real." How very true these words are! I am scared because I don't know what my body can do. I have an idea of what it can do. But what is this idea based on? Only what I have done so far. I have never done any organized exercise, except for sports drills in my early high school years. I have a vision in my mind of what I want to see and what I want my "after" picture to look like. This is what is driving me now, not the fear of whether or not I can do it. I will do it. No is not an option at this point. Right now, I am already requiring more of myself by not giving into this fear. So, tomorrow morning, I will send my kids on the bus to school, and bring myself to my first kickboxing workout. I will get up every morning this week and repeat. I will do more physically than I have done before. I will listen only to the quiet voice telling me I can do this.
And it will be great!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
