Post-Thanksgiving Thoughts

Yes, I realize it's only been 2 days since my last post.  But as I was doing a workout this morning, I got to thinking about where I was a year ago in terms of losing weight.  If I recall correctly, I had just gotten over a couple bouts with sickness, and had lost all motivation because I had been out of exercising for over a week.  It was about then that I gave up on Spark People, and decided that, hey, I wasn't all THAT fat, so it was ok.  Then, I saw this picture from Christmas:

And then I saw this one:

Yeeeaaaah.  Alright, so I know I'm wearing a fleece coat, but quite frankly, the fleece was not THAT cushy (although if it was, I'd never take it off!!).  And it doesn't help that I have a super thin hubby either.  Anyway, I saw the first picture, and thought, "Bad angle, bulky sweatshirt."  Then I saw the second one and thought, "bulky sweatshirt, sitting down."  Then I went through them again, and thought, "I can deny it all I want, but most of that 'bulky sweatshirt' is under the sweatshirt."  The worst part of coming to that realization was realizing that I had already lost some weight in those pictures, and was actually heavier 4 months before.

There are moments in everyone's life where something shatters your status quo.  Although I'd been trying to lose weight already, and there were other factors in gaining the weight (hello stressful job and constant eating out), those pictures were it for me.  I saw those, and that twig inside me snapped, "No more!  I will NOT continue to gain weight, nor will I tell myself it's 'not that much'!"

So far this year, I have done Spark People, an online personal trainer, workout videos, elliptical trainer, and finally, the UBC.  Each one has had an impact in its own right.  Spark People opened my eyes to what I was really eating, portion size, and the amount of calories in food (and no wonder I packed on pounds, with what I was eating regularly!).  The online personal trainer pointed me in a good direction with strength exercises and why they were important.  My workout videos introduced me to kick boxing, which not only provides a great workout, but I absolutely love.  My elliptical provided me with the motivation and accessibility in my own home to work out, without mirrors or other people around, on my own time, so I could keep with it.  Finally, the UBC provided the much needed strength training, but also kept me accountable, provided support from my fellow UBC'ers and coaches, and helped shape my eating habits even more.  The most important lesson here is that everything has it's place and reason.  Each different thing I tried to lose weight guided me to something I can continue and enjoy.  If something wasn't working for me any more, I knew it was time to try something else to keep me interested and motivated.

At this point, I still haven't made the weight goal I originally set out for myself.  I'm not even sure how close I am, because I can't weigh myself right now.  I'm sure I'm still at least 5-7 pounds from my goal of 120.  That's really ok with me, because I'm healthier, feeling better, and looking better than I was a year ago.  I know I mentioned it in my previous post, but I am so excited for the "after" picture in 2 weeks.  To be able to see the progress is so motivating and satisfying.  It's been a hard battle for me to lose this weight, stay motivated, not let setbacks keep me down, and work through body/food issues.  The biggest things that have helped me keep my perspective are:

• the saying my friend Millie gave me, "If hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer."  While I still have the craving to reach for comfort food when I'm upset, this saying alone has made me look at myself and discover other ways to deal with my emotions. 
• you have to do this for you.  There has to be a deep down, deep seated desire to make yourself better, to live longer.  I'm ok that I may not ever get below a size 3 or 4.  I am healthy.  I feel good about me. That's what's really important.  I had to believe that I was worth making the sacrifices in time and effort, which is hard for someone who has had an underlying current of "you're just not good enough."  
• the Japanese proverb "Fall 7 times, stand up 8."  If you know you're going to screw up at times, it's so much easier to accept that fact and move on.  I'm experiencing my success now because I didn't just curl up and say "that's it" when things didn't work for me.  I admit; I had some pretty big failures and losses of faith in the last year, but I kept coming back at it.  
• the surprising thing to keep perspective:  pictures!   Maybe it's because I'm a photographer, but I started taking self pictures in clothes I couldn't fit into before when I started making some solid progress, and I'm so glad I did!  I currently have two sets of "progress" before and after pictures that I'm planning on adding to when I'm done with the UBC.  That absolute visual of seeing the results, which you don't have the privilege of seeing daily, is so reaffirming!  

In about two weeks, I'll post a nice pictoral commentary on my weight loss.  I can't say if it will include bikini pictures just yet, but maybe after I do another UBC, it will!