Post-Thanksgiving Thoughts

Yes, I realize it's only been 2 days since my last post.  But as I was doing a workout this morning, I got to thinking about where I was a year ago in terms of losing weight.  If I recall correctly, I had just gotten over a couple bouts with sickness, and had lost all motivation because I had been out of exercising for over a week.  It was about then that I gave up on Spark People, and decided that, hey, I wasn't all THAT fat, so it was ok.  Then, I saw this picture from Christmas:

And then I saw this one:

Yeeeaaaah.  Alright, so I know I'm wearing a fleece coat, but quite frankly, the fleece was not THAT cushy (although if it was, I'd never take it off!!).  And it doesn't help that I have a super thin hubby either.  Anyway, I saw the first picture, and thought, "Bad angle, bulky sweatshirt."  Then I saw the second one and thought, "bulky sweatshirt, sitting down."  Then I went through them again, and thought, "I can deny it all I want, but most of that 'bulky sweatshirt' is under the sweatshirt."  The worst part of coming to that realization was realizing that I had already lost some weight in those pictures, and was actually heavier 4 months before.

There are moments in everyone's life where something shatters your status quo.  Although I'd been trying to lose weight already, and there were other factors in gaining the weight (hello stressful job and constant eating out), those pictures were it for me.  I saw those, and that twig inside me snapped, "No more!  I will NOT continue to gain weight, nor will I tell myself it's 'not that much'!"

So far this year, I have done Spark People, an online personal trainer, workout videos, elliptical trainer, and finally, the UBC.  Each one has had an impact in its own right.  Spark People opened my eyes to what I was really eating, portion size, and the amount of calories in food (and no wonder I packed on pounds, with what I was eating regularly!).  The online personal trainer pointed me in a good direction with strength exercises and why they were important.  My workout videos introduced me to kick boxing, which not only provides a great workout, but I absolutely love.  My elliptical provided me with the motivation and accessibility in my own home to work out, without mirrors or other people around, on my own time, so I could keep with it.  Finally, the UBC provided the much needed strength training, but also kept me accountable, provided support from my fellow UBC'ers and coaches, and helped shape my eating habits even more.  The most important lesson here is that everything has it's place and reason.  Each different thing I tried to lose weight guided me to something I can continue and enjoy.  If something wasn't working for me any more, I knew it was time to try something else to keep me interested and motivated.

At this point, I still haven't made the weight goal I originally set out for myself.  I'm not even sure how close I am, because I can't weigh myself right now.  I'm sure I'm still at least 5-7 pounds from my goal of 120.  That's really ok with me, because I'm healthier, feeling better, and looking better than I was a year ago.  I know I mentioned it in my previous post, but I am so excited for the "after" picture in 2 weeks.  To be able to see the progress is so motivating and satisfying.  It's been a hard battle for me to lose this weight, stay motivated, not let setbacks keep me down, and work through body/food issues.  The biggest things that have helped me keep my perspective are:

• the saying my friend Millie gave me, "If hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer."  While I still have the craving to reach for comfort food when I'm upset, this saying alone has made me look at myself and discover other ways to deal with my emotions. 
• you have to do this for you.  There has to be a deep down, deep seated desire to make yourself better, to live longer.  I'm ok that I may not ever get below a size 3 or 4.  I am healthy.  I feel good about me. That's what's really important.  I had to believe that I was worth making the sacrifices in time and effort, which is hard for someone who has had an underlying current of "you're just not good enough."  
• the Japanese proverb "Fall 7 times, stand up 8."  If you know you're going to screw up at times, it's so much easier to accept that fact and move on.  I'm experiencing my success now because I didn't just curl up and say "that's it" when things didn't work for me.  I admit; I had some pretty big failures and losses of faith in the last year, but I kept coming back at it.  
• the surprising thing to keep perspective:  pictures!   Maybe it's because I'm a photographer, but I started taking self pictures in clothes I couldn't fit into before when I started making some solid progress, and I'm so glad I did!  I currently have two sets of "progress" before and after pictures that I'm planning on adding to when I'm done with the UBC.  That absolute visual of seeing the results, which you don't have the privilege of seeing daily, is so reaffirming!  

In about two weeks, I'll post a nice pictoral commentary on my weight loss.  I can't say if it will include bikini pictures just yet, but maybe after I do another UBC, it will!  

What I am Thankful for in week 8

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and happily I don't have to cook a darn thing (thank you, Auntie Celia, and the rest of the Schumacher clan!!).  Of course, now is the time of year in which people tend to be thankful for what they've been blessed with over the past year, and quite frankly, Thanksgiving is more up my alley that Christmas.  Giving and receiving presents is fun, but Thanksgiving gets people thinking about their family, friends, and all the good things we have in our lives.  And, we get lots of great food!

This year, so many people I know, myself included, had such a rough time, whether financially or otherwise.  I know I have asked myself "are things ever going to look up for me" so many times since January, I've lost count. It makes you very jaded, introducing a "what now?" attitude towards life.  And with each challenge, each setback, each disappointment, it's a little harder to bounce back and move on.  People say that attitude is everything, but it sure is hard to have a positive outlook when the hits just keep coming.

So, what am I thankful for, in a time where it's hard to find anything positive?  Obviously, I'm thankful for my family, my friends, my dog, my home, etc.  I'm thankful for all the extremely hard lessons I learned this year, the ones that broke my heart and left me questioning who I am.  I'm thankful for the new people I've met, the ones who have challenged me to be better than I was.  I'm thankful for the risks I took by stepping outside my comfort zone.  Highly unpleasant, highly nerve-wracking, but so totally worth it.  I'm thankful that I'm still breathing, walking, seeing, smelling, hearing, even in the moments where it feels like that's all I have.  I'm thankful for having the strength to push beyond what I think I can handle, where I think my threshold is, and emerge victorious, with my head held high.  I'm thankful for internal arguments that "what makes you grow" wins over "what's easy".  But most of all,  I'm thankful that each day I open my eyes,  I have another chance to do better, to be better, to live better.

3 Weeks Left!

I finally broke down and bought another pair of jeans.  They were on sale for $8, and having just paid $6.50 for a pair of used jeans at the thrift store, I figured paying $1.50 more for a new pair was justifiable.  They are a departure from my usual style of boot cut jeans.  These new ones are wide-leg, higher cut, yet still below my belly button, and I absolutely love them!  They are so comfy, I'm glad I took a chance and got them.  I did have to hem them a bit, since they were way too long for my short legs, but even that took less than half an hour.  They look great with boots and nice sweater to dress them up, or chunkier shoes and a t-shirt for dressing down.

Why on earth am I telling you about my jeans in this saga of my workout progress?  Two reasons: A) they were a fabulous find and I'm bragging, and B) (the real point of telling you about the jeans) I am feeling pretty darn good about the way I look!  For the last three or four years, getting dressed in the morning was not a pleasant experience, nor was shopping.  Both these things were difficult for me because I didn't know how to dress my body once it was heavier.  I always had my trouble spots (hello lower tummy and hips), but I had learned how to hide them or accentuate what I did like.  When I started putting on weight on some of the parts I could accentuate, I didn't know what to do.  The shirts I used to buy and wear bulged funny, so much of my wardrobe became loose and less tailored.  It's hard to feel good about how you look when you have a hard time finding clothing that is flattering.  I have a challenging body type as it is (wide and short), and the extra weight made it so hard for me to feel comfortable in stylish clothing.

After 7 full weeks, I am feeling good about how I look again.  I have tone and muscle definition in places I didn't even know I had muscle (who knew I had triceps!!!).  I'm slimming down again as well, and clothes that I packed to send to Goodwill, I've pulled out to wear again.  But above and beyond this, I am really getting comfortable in my own skin again.  I've always considered myself pretty self-assured, with the run of the mill insecurities.  Even at my heaviest, I would fret about how I looked, and then promptly forget when I had my daily work to attend to.  I didn't let my insecurity about how I looked get in the way of my life.  I still liked who I was, who I am, I just didn't like the changes I saw in my body.  The best part is that I knew I could change my body.  Maybe I couldn't get it back to what it was when I was 18 (thank you babies!), but I could slim it down to something I was more comfortable with, maybe even proud of.  I'll freely admit that I'm not where I want to be just yet, but I know I've made some great strides in the last 7 weeks.  I have to admit, I'm pretty darn proud of what I've done, and I'm getting really excited to see the "after" pictures in three weeks.

Midweek Muscles-week 7

This morning, I did not want to get out of bed, let alone go to a butt burner workout!  I went out at 8:30, in my bathrobe to start my car, so I could be nice and toasty on the drive.  I then came in the house and began an internal argument about whether or not I was going to go to my workout.  It ended with me telling myself "you already started the car!  Get out there!"  And off I went.

Wednesdays are the hardest days for me because I don't enjoy bust burners.  I hate squats and lunges.  I don't move enough for my liking.  I can't keep my back straight, so my instructor always has to correct me (and after 7 weeks, I've almost got it right!).  I don't feel a sense of accomplishment like I do after other kick boxing classes, although, I did use 25 lb. kettlebells for the first time today.  The extra motivation of "you'll enjoy it once you get there" is not present on Wednesdays.  So why do I convince myself to go?  I figure, it's like eating your vegetables, er, well, the ones you don't like.  They're good for you, they'll benefit you in the long run, your body will thank you.

As I sit here and write, going over the details of today's class in my head, it's funny the things that start jumping out at me.  I did two laps of lunges with 15 lb. kettlebells, and they were fairly easy, so I'll probably bump up to 20 lbs next time.  And I just about made it all the way around in the weird push up/hold yourself up thingy we do, which I've never gotten that far around before.  Perspective.  Just a little change in perspective can spin the whole situation.  I've gone from feeling like I didn't do much today to feeling like I had a really good class.  I don't like the class any more (don't think that's going to change), but it makes it seem more worthwhile to reflect on the changes.

End of week 6-Four weeks left!!

The weeks have been flying by, and I can't quite believe I only have four weeks left of my UBC!  One month left to get myself in shape!  I kicked things up this week, squeezing in an extra workout, and upping all my bands for resistance training.  It feels good to push myself to improve on things.  The highlight of my week was definitely my Friday kickboxing class, where I kicked so hard, I knocked myself off my feet and gave myself a beautiful green, purple, and blue knot on my shin!  Don't worry; my pride was far more hurt than my shin was.  More than that though, I am sore today.  My abs are sore from kicking so hard, as are my legs.  I haven't felt this sore since the first week!  This is my achievement for the week!  I like being sore because it confirms that I am working as hard as I am able, and that I'm changing my body for the better.  Another great moment for this week, I wore shorts to my workout this morning, and noticed for the first time the definition in my legs starting to take shape in my thighs.  There is absolutely nothing more motivating than the visual cues that things are paying off!  Plus, I discovered I had to use the drawstring in my shorts for the very first time since purchasing them.  Another great discovery this week!

All in all, not a very exciting week, but a motivating one.  Seeing and feeling results is such a satisfying event, especially when you decide to step things up and push harder.  At this point in the challenge, that's my main thought, "Am I giving all I can give?"  Keeping that in mind has helped me to push myself to go harder and faster, when I feel like I have no more to give.  And I feel like I'm making progress, whether it's going up in bands or seeing muscle definition in my legs.  It's nice to see and feel that progress too.  All too often with exercise/weight loss, the changes and the progress is so little or so slow in coming, that it's discouraging.  I've been seriously trying to lose weight for over a year now, starting first with sparkpeople.com, going vegetarian, working out on my own.  I've seen results with all of the things I've done, but I quickly lost interest and/or motivation.  But the important thing is that I haven't given up.  Looking at my progress now, I'm really glad I didn't give up!

Mid-Evaluation Results!

And now ladies and gentlemen, the most anticipated announcement since the reunion of New Kids on the Block!  That's right it's time for......

KARA'S MID-EVALUATION RESULTS! (cheers, applause, general adoration)

Overall, I am pleased.  It's hard not to be pleased with a decrease in all numbers!  I didn't quite make the goal I had in mind, but that's really ok.  These numbers give me a better idea of what's a reasonable goal for next time. So without further ado the number shake down is thus:

Bust: -1/4 inch (Thank God!  No need to shrink there!)
Waist: -3/4 inch
Hips (most inches lost):  -1 1/4 inches
Thigh: -1/2 inch
Arm: -1/2 inch
Weight: -.2 pounds
Body Fat %: -3.4%

Like I said, I can't complain!  Now the numbers that went up, meaning I did that many more of them this time:
Push ups (on my toes, thank you!): +14
Sit ups:  +9
Flexibility: +3 inches

I am a happy girl this morning!  The numbers are great, but the visuals are even better; how my clothes fit, what I can't wear any more because it's too big, etc.  And, I feel great too.  So many good things in a five week time span!  I'm really looking forward to the next five weeks, now that I'm in the groove with everything.  I'm ready to step up my game and see some fabulous results!