I've been down in the dumps lately. My motivation and stick-to-itiveness is quite lacking. Or, maybe I've never really known motivation or stick-to-itiveness. I was always one of the "smart ones" in school, never having to struggle for grades or anything. If I didn't measure up, I quit and focused on whatever I was better at. I really don't know how to work towards a goal, or how to keep myself motivated! It's definitely not for lack of trying, but I'm much better at finding something else to focus on to minimize my weaknesses.
Interestingly, I'm not finding it hard to be a vegetarian. Big change in my lifestyle, easy transition, easy to stick to it. Why? Why can I incorporate this, but not exercise, and not give up pop and brownies? Because by giving up meat, I wasn't giving up something I enjoyed. Most people drool over steak; I can take it or leave it (more leave it these days!). I enjoy brownies and soda. I enjoy sitting on the computer and playing games. I do not like exercising.
But I don't like gaining weight either. And there's the rub! Which don't I like more, gaining the weight or exercise? I don't have an answer to that right now.
Friday, May 29, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Saturday afternoon
I have a very dear friend (and former coworker) who has lost a good deal of weight with Weight Watchers. She began to lose weight before I got "serious" about it, but over the course of a few months, we became each other's cheerleaders. She is a lovely lady, and I am very blessed to have her in my life. She has a way of making so much sense to me, and at times I really need it. For instance, when I was stress eating due to my parents' marital problems back in February, my friend provided the saying "if hunger is not the problem, food is not the answer." Such simple and wise words. I'm happy to say that while I haven't lost a significant amount of weight, I haven't gained any more either, and that quote saved me from that. I have accustomed myself to telling myself that every day.
The lasted words of wisdom came just this past week, as I was telling her of my juice fast. She knows I have become a vegetarian, and was patting me on the back for making such a healthy lifestyle choice. Then she said something that really struck me when speaking about people in the "Blue Zone" who tend to live the longest: "Another thing is getting "natural" exercise every day such as all the work you do around the house and yard. Staying active in this manner is actually more effective than the more structured exercise." Again, so simple and so wise.
I gave up on my juice fast after reading these words, because here was the rebuttle to my denial staring me down in blue letters in my email inbox. I could continue to deny the fact that since leaving my job I have become little more than an internet junkie, logging on moments after waking and logging off only for dinner and bed. I could continue to shun exercise, doing things like a 21 day juice fast to lose the weight quickly, but not really healthy or on my own terms that would make a lasting change for me. That was the nagging problem I was having in my previous post. It wasn't that I was on the precipice of something stirring me to greatness. It was my conscience trying to scream out that what I was doing was ingenuine and an attempt to diminish the real problem-my lazy behind. I was a sham, and I knew it.
I knew going into the juice fast that I would see weight loss, but it wouldn't be pleasant, according to what I read. I also worried about after the juice fast, and what would become of my weight loss. That concerned me very much. Would I maintain a new, lower weight? Would my body rebel once I started eating again and I'd pack on the pounds? Was a juice fast really going to put me on a different eating path that would last? Now, supposedly, according to one site I read on juice fasting, once you start eating foods again, you can actually burn MORE calories and see MORE weight loss because juice is calorie laden. Everything else I know about weight loss made it seem more likely that I would just gain the weight back, if for no other reason that juice fasting is a temporary solution, and I need a permanent one.
Post juice fast (which lasted exactly 3 glasses of juice!), I signed myself up for a 30 day email fitness challenge through About.com. I'm on day 3. I completed all the challenges for day one and day two, and you know what? I felt good about it. I felt proud about it. I have to walk funny today because my butt is so sore from two days of getting out there and doing more. I took my dog for two walks, in addition to mowing our lawn (we live on almost an acre of land). I could write more, but I can't. My son is insisting that I go outside with him to play.
The lasted words of wisdom came just this past week, as I was telling her of my juice fast. She knows I have become a vegetarian, and was patting me on the back for making such a healthy lifestyle choice. Then she said something that really struck me when speaking about people in the "Blue Zone" who tend to live the longest: "Another thing is getting "natural" exercise every day such as all the work you do around the house and yard. Staying active in this manner is actually more effective than the more structured exercise." Again, so simple and so wise.
I gave up on my juice fast after reading these words, because here was the rebuttle to my denial staring me down in blue letters in my email inbox. I could continue to deny the fact that since leaving my job I have become little more than an internet junkie, logging on moments after waking and logging off only for dinner and bed. I could continue to shun exercise, doing things like a 21 day juice fast to lose the weight quickly, but not really healthy or on my own terms that would make a lasting change for me. That was the nagging problem I was having in my previous post. It wasn't that I was on the precipice of something stirring me to greatness. It was my conscience trying to scream out that what I was doing was ingenuine and an attempt to diminish the real problem-my lazy behind. I was a sham, and I knew it.
I knew going into the juice fast that I would see weight loss, but it wouldn't be pleasant, according to what I read. I also worried about after the juice fast, and what would become of my weight loss. That concerned me very much. Would I maintain a new, lower weight? Would my body rebel once I started eating again and I'd pack on the pounds? Was a juice fast really going to put me on a different eating path that would last? Now, supposedly, according to one site I read on juice fasting, once you start eating foods again, you can actually burn MORE calories and see MORE weight loss because juice is calorie laden. Everything else I know about weight loss made it seem more likely that I would just gain the weight back, if for no other reason that juice fasting is a temporary solution, and I need a permanent one.
Post juice fast (which lasted exactly 3 glasses of juice!), I signed myself up for a 30 day email fitness challenge through About.com. I'm on day 3. I completed all the challenges for day one and day two, and you know what? I felt good about it. I felt proud about it. I have to walk funny today because my butt is so sore from two days of getting out there and doing more. I took my dog for two walks, in addition to mowing our lawn (we live on almost an acre of land). I could write more, but I can't. My son is insisting that I go outside with him to play.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Seriously People!
I read two articles that really made me think today. They are completely unrelated, yet both made me angry and sad.
The first was a Washington Post article about the price of being poor. Paying more for groceries, paying for laundry, paying for check cashing. I always have mixed feelings about this, because I've been on the receiving end of customer service dealing with low income customers. I have talked to people who couldn't pay their utility bill because they just payed their cable, and had no more money. I have watched low income friends buy name brand cereal off the shelf with a $5 price tag, overlooking the $2 cereal directly to the left of it. Reading through the comments on the article, there were many questioning some of the assertions (like I did above), and others condemning them for having no sympathy. I will admit that I am biased and have little sympathy for the people who play the system to make sure they get the most out of their welfare. I have the most sympathy for the people busting ass making low wages who need a leg up, especially those who cannot get assistance because of it.
When I'm president (Gilbert in '16!), a sentiment that I say when I want to make broad sweeping changes, there will be education reform. There will be a redistribution of money to schools. I can't fathom how in one school district (like in my home town), you can have two high schools, one in a wealthy neighborhood, one in a low income neighborhood, and they do not have the same resources! Is it really a question that we should take some of the tax money from rich school and make the poor school equal? Is it really a question, if we are NOT going to do this, of who should receive federal money? Is it really a question that the schools that need the extra tax dollars are not the high performers buy the low ones? HELLO PEOPLE!!!!! I am fully supportive of adults reaping what they sow and taking responsibility for themselves, but I am exponentially more supportive of giving our children the absolute best education possible to enable them to be responsible adults!
The second article was about a mother who suffocated her child, resuscitated him, then changed her mind and suffocated him AGAIN! Twice this little boy knew the agony of suffocasion at the hands of his own mother! Then, she buries him at the playground. What are we doing, people, that we as a society are producing young women capable of this kind of violence? What are we thinking putting priorities on damn car dealerships, when mothers are killing their own children? There is something wrong here that we need to fix!
The first was a Washington Post article about the price of being poor. Paying more for groceries, paying for laundry, paying for check cashing. I always have mixed feelings about this, because I've been on the receiving end of customer service dealing with low income customers. I have talked to people who couldn't pay their utility bill because they just payed their cable, and had no more money. I have watched low income friends buy name brand cereal off the shelf with a $5 price tag, overlooking the $2 cereal directly to the left of it. Reading through the comments on the article, there were many questioning some of the assertions (like I did above), and others condemning them for having no sympathy. I will admit that I am biased and have little sympathy for the people who play the system to make sure they get the most out of their welfare. I have the most sympathy for the people busting ass making low wages who need a leg up, especially those who cannot get assistance because of it.
When I'm president (Gilbert in '16!), a sentiment that I say when I want to make broad sweeping changes, there will be education reform. There will be a redistribution of money to schools. I can't fathom how in one school district (like in my home town), you can have two high schools, one in a wealthy neighborhood, one in a low income neighborhood, and they do not have the same resources! Is it really a question that we should take some of the tax money from rich school and make the poor school equal? Is it really a question, if we are NOT going to do this, of who should receive federal money? Is it really a question that the schools that need the extra tax dollars are not the high performers buy the low ones? HELLO PEOPLE!!!!! I am fully supportive of adults reaping what they sow and taking responsibility for themselves, but I am exponentially more supportive of giving our children the absolute best education possible to enable them to be responsible adults!
The second article was about a mother who suffocated her child, resuscitated him, then changed her mind and suffocated him AGAIN! Twice this little boy knew the agony of suffocasion at the hands of his own mother! Then, she buries him at the playground. What are we doing, people, that we as a society are producing young women capable of this kind of violence? What are we thinking putting priorities on damn car dealerships, when mothers are killing their own children? There is something wrong here that we need to fix!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Real Reality
Today is my first day home from a mini vacation. I spent it separating the massive amount of clothing I got from my aunt for my daughter, sipping toasted rice green tea from Japan, and reading a book by an Indian author. Low key and relaxing.
But my soul hurts today, like a raw nerve being uncomfortably rubbed under my skin. There is something stirring within me, a dissatisfaction that I can't fathom right now. I can't see it. I only know it is listless and preventing me from moving forward. While "it" writhes and seethes, I am rendered immobile and stationary. It's been a hard year. It's been a long trial. I am ready to rest.
I am starting my juice fast tomorrow, which excites me, but also leaves me apprehensive. I hope to recover both physically and mentally over the next three weeks. I hang in the balance right now; losing sight of my once confident shell, my grip slipping on who I am. So much has entered my mind that has forced me to stare myself down, questioning things I have never doubted. I want a new perspective, and this fast will definitely do that. I am ready for the challenges, more ready for the journey. I want to learn and grow from this, something that has gone stale as of late. Upon watching a YouTube clip of Ellen Degeneres giving a commencement speech, she told me a truth I had not wanted to admit: ...usually if you are wearing a robe at 10 a.m., it means you have given up. Sadly, I was still in my robe at 10 this morning, debating a shower. I am ready to be shaken up, broken, then repaired. I'm ready to be at peace, and rest. I want to cast off the shroud I have covered myself with through all the hurt and disappointment of my life of 27 years. I want to be light and energized and clear.
I want to be clear.
But my soul hurts today, like a raw nerve being uncomfortably rubbed under my skin. There is something stirring within me, a dissatisfaction that I can't fathom right now. I can't see it. I only know it is listless and preventing me from moving forward. While "it" writhes and seethes, I am rendered immobile and stationary. It's been a hard year. It's been a long trial. I am ready to rest.
I am starting my juice fast tomorrow, which excites me, but also leaves me apprehensive. I hope to recover both physically and mentally over the next three weeks. I hang in the balance right now; losing sight of my once confident shell, my grip slipping on who I am. So much has entered my mind that has forced me to stare myself down, questioning things I have never doubted. I want a new perspective, and this fast will definitely do that. I am ready for the challenges, more ready for the journey. I want to learn and grow from this, something that has gone stale as of late. Upon watching a YouTube clip of Ellen Degeneres giving a commencement speech, she told me a truth I had not wanted to admit: ...usually if you are wearing a robe at 10 a.m., it means you have given up. Sadly, I was still in my robe at 10 this morning, debating a shower. I am ready to be shaken up, broken, then repaired. I'm ready to be at peace, and rest. I want to cast off the shroud I have covered myself with through all the hurt and disappointment of my life of 27 years. I want to be light and energized and clear.
I want to be clear.
Monday, May 11, 2009
When the World Gets You Down...
Get a top of the world!
As the excitement wanes from the newness of my vegetarianism, I'm finding the pull to just eat meat and quit worrying about it very strong. It doesn't help that I'm still not totally sure of myself and how to handle things like eating at someone else's house. I actually did have meat this weekend, in a bowl of homemade chili. I felt very conflicted as I ate, part of me feeling obliged and telling myself it was ok to eat it once, but mostly, it felt like I had sold myself out and took the easy path. I have a long family trip coming up, one that will involve over a week away from home, somewhat at the mercy of another's cooking. I'm nervous because it's my first time with family as a vegetarian, and also because I don't know what I'm going to eat.
I have also felt the draw of a juice fast again. It had waned as I eased into eating a vegetarian diet, but I feel its pull quite strongly. I've been reading quite a bit on the benefits and the renewal that happens while on a juice fast, and it intrigues me. The fast will be my foray into the real depths of vegetarianism and what I hope to achieve in my life by omitting meat from my diet. I want to be healthy well into my old age, and even though I've cut out meat, I've not cut out brownies, soda, and other marvelous things such as Cheetos. I truly want to be rid of these foods and the temptation of them. Now, more than ever, I am feeling the grossness of eating these kinds of foods, the heaviness in my stomach, the lethargy. I know I'm doing my body no good by slamming these things down, but my mind and my tongue get the better of me. I'm ready to make a clean break from my unhealthy vices, and continue on a new path. I have a lot of moments ahead of me that will test my resolve, so I want to be ready for them.
The pending juice fast date is May 20, and my goal is a 3 week fast. I will be on an impromptu vacation this weekend, which is why the fast is postponed. It's hard to juice fresh veggies on a 14 hour car ride! I'm also using this time to mentally prepare myself for this undertaking. I'm certainly excited, but also cautious, as I don't know what to expect. This will definitely be a time of growth!
As the excitement wanes from the newness of my vegetarianism, I'm finding the pull to just eat meat and quit worrying about it very strong. It doesn't help that I'm still not totally sure of myself and how to handle things like eating at someone else's house. I actually did have meat this weekend, in a bowl of homemade chili. I felt very conflicted as I ate, part of me feeling obliged and telling myself it was ok to eat it once, but mostly, it felt like I had sold myself out and took the easy path. I have a long family trip coming up, one that will involve over a week away from home, somewhat at the mercy of another's cooking. I'm nervous because it's my first time with family as a vegetarian, and also because I don't know what I'm going to eat.
I have also felt the draw of a juice fast again. It had waned as I eased into eating a vegetarian diet, but I feel its pull quite strongly. I've been reading quite a bit on the benefits and the renewal that happens while on a juice fast, and it intrigues me. The fast will be my foray into the real depths of vegetarianism and what I hope to achieve in my life by omitting meat from my diet. I want to be healthy well into my old age, and even though I've cut out meat, I've not cut out brownies, soda, and other marvelous things such as Cheetos. I truly want to be rid of these foods and the temptation of them. Now, more than ever, I am feeling the grossness of eating these kinds of foods, the heaviness in my stomach, the lethargy. I know I'm doing my body no good by slamming these things down, but my mind and my tongue get the better of me. I'm ready to make a clean break from my unhealthy vices, and continue on a new path. I have a lot of moments ahead of me that will test my resolve, so I want to be ready for them.
The pending juice fast date is May 20, and my goal is a 3 week fast. I will be on an impromptu vacation this weekend, which is why the fast is postponed. It's hard to juice fresh veggies on a 14 hour car ride! I'm also using this time to mentally prepare myself for this undertaking. I'm certainly excited, but also cautious, as I don't know what to expect. This will definitely be a time of growth!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
It's Been One Week Since You Looked at Me(at)!
Did you catch that? Love Bare Naked Ladies!
Yes, it really has been one week since I ate meat. I have looked at it, because even though my hubby is supportive, he's still a meat and potatoes guy. We already really good at coexisting (differing politics, and now differing diets), so it seems to be working out. I still cook for the family, but while their meat is cooking, I get to work on mine. It's a great system. And today; my parents invited me over for a BBQ with my youngest (hubby was out of town and my daughter was with her "other" dad as we call him). This, I figured would be chicken, so I made my very first tofu burger from scratch and brought it along. My dad was gracious enough to only kid me a little bit with a crack about how his grill had never touched tofu. Good old dad! The burgers turned out very good, and I was even able to share the wealth with my mom and cousin. They both agreed it was very good also.
I've really learned a lot about myself in this week. For instance, I never really knew how much of my dinner was spent thinking about avoiding gross parts of meat. Seriously! It's wonderful. I've also found that it's so much easier to decide when I'm full without meat. I haven't felt like I've overeaten all week. My new diet has also been fantastic for curbing our bad habit of eating out. If, for instance, my hubby wants Burger King, that means I get a salad, because last time I checked, they weren't serving flame broiled veggie burgers! I suppose I could get a whopper or something and peel off the meat, but I find that wasteful, and unappealing! So, I'm stuck with a salad. I like salads, but if I've already had one, I'd like to spice it up a bit. This is much easier achieved by cooking at home. It's been an empowering change!
On a different, but related note, the local farmer's market opened today! Unfortunately, my hubby had our vehicle, so I didn't get to go. This was a bit disappointing, but there's still plenty of time to explore and find new things to experiment with on my new diet. For now, my new challenge (having satisfactorily conquered and became comfortable with tofu) is beans. My hubby doesn't like beans, so I'm on my own for this. It's ok though. I've been experimenting with my lunches, which are a good outlet for me to find what I like and don't like.
So far, my vegetarian journey has been positive. I know there will be challenges, but doing my prep work and learning now will equip me with better options for when those challenges arise. I'll be ready!
Yes, it really has been one week since I ate meat. I have looked at it, because even though my hubby is supportive, he's still a meat and potatoes guy. We already really good at coexisting (differing politics, and now differing diets), so it seems to be working out. I still cook for the family, but while their meat is cooking, I get to work on mine. It's a great system. And today; my parents invited me over for a BBQ with my youngest (hubby was out of town and my daughter was with her "other" dad as we call him). This, I figured would be chicken, so I made my very first tofu burger from scratch and brought it along. My dad was gracious enough to only kid me a little bit with a crack about how his grill had never touched tofu. Good old dad! The burgers turned out very good, and I was even able to share the wealth with my mom and cousin. They both agreed it was very good also.
I've really learned a lot about myself in this week. For instance, I never really knew how much of my dinner was spent thinking about avoiding gross parts of meat. Seriously! It's wonderful. I've also found that it's so much easier to decide when I'm full without meat. I haven't felt like I've overeaten all week. My new diet has also been fantastic for curbing our bad habit of eating out. If, for instance, my hubby wants Burger King, that means I get a salad, because last time I checked, they weren't serving flame broiled veggie burgers! I suppose I could get a whopper or something and peel off the meat, but I find that wasteful, and unappealing! So, I'm stuck with a salad. I like salads, but if I've already had one, I'd like to spice it up a bit. This is much easier achieved by cooking at home. It's been an empowering change!
On a different, but related note, the local farmer's market opened today! Unfortunately, my hubby had our vehicle, so I didn't get to go. This was a bit disappointing, but there's still plenty of time to explore and find new things to experiment with on my new diet. For now, my new challenge (having satisfactorily conquered and became comfortable with tofu) is beans. My hubby doesn't like beans, so I'm on my own for this. It's ok though. I've been experimenting with my lunches, which are a good outlet for me to find what I like and don't like.
So far, my vegetarian journey has been positive. I know there will be challenges, but doing my prep work and learning now will equip me with better options for when those challenges arise. I'll be ready!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
